greasy taint

Late Show with David Letterman presents ….

Top Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You

• 10) Says, “This is a giant leap for mankind” as she tosses you off a bridge
• 09) You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house
• 08) She promises to “Take you out like Pluto”
• 07) It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you
• 06) You were on the “Maury” episode: “I Had A Booty Call And Now An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill Me”
• 05) Her previous attempts to kill you have been postponed due to high winds
• 04) She poisons your Tang
• 03) Says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse
• 02) Been getting threatening emails from Connie@International Space Station.com
• 01) She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside down

Prepare to begin the epic struggle between good and neutral
…
Now we crash the ship, killing them in a hellish fire storm from which no living thing can escape

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high

Is she hot?
That not important. She all knowing.
In other words, NO!

Perhaps a hard spanking is in order

we need rest, the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised

Couple of lines I heard on Aqua Teen Hunger Force :

Idle hands spend time at the genitals

I’m going away for a while meatwad. And I may never come back. But I’ll always be right here. Inside.

The Onion Horoscopes for this week (my favorites in bold) :

Aries March 21 - April 19
Your wildest dreams will come true this week, only further proving that you deserved the chartered accountancy promotion.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
Spurred on by feelings of pressure and pain, you’ll follow your heart about two-thirds of the way to the living room phone this week.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
A series of mob-related events will soon have dockworkers around the world referring to you as a barrel of laughs.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Your entire life will flash before your eyes this week, an insignificant blip made all the more trivial by the Benny Hill theme that will accompany it.

Leo July 23 - August 22
Fighting back the tears and suppressing wave after wave of indignation, you’ll take next Tuesday’s hysterectomy operation like a man.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
While you’ve always claimed to work better under strict deadlines, hundreds of radiation victims will soon have reason to disagree.

Libra September 23 - October 23
You’ll soon stumble upon the secret to a happy marriage—a secret so simple you’ll take perverse pleasure in keeping it from your wife.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
Just when you think you can’t keep going any longer, you’ll be forced to continue due to a series of everyday responsibilities and obligations.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you’re made of.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Sometimes in life one must take the good with the bad, even if it means pretending to be attracted to her mother.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
They say that you’re not the man you used to be, that you’ve got nothing left inside of you worth saving. However, it’s the fact that they’re licensed surgeons that really makes it sting.

Pisces February 19 - March 20
Your charred, lifeless body will time and again debunk the old myth about lighting never striking the same place twice.

Come on in you broke motha fuckas!

Dave Chappelle hosts MTV cribs this, one funny ass Chappelle Show skit.

Fuck shoe closets. I got my own sweat shop nigga. God Damn! Ha ha ha ha.

.. only if you are a car geek.

First of all, I love these british Top Gear guys. Even with their accents and the stereotypes about british have bad teeth.
They are so happy and shit in all their videos. You can find lots of their videos on youtube.

This particular video puts a Mitsubishi EVO VIII FQ400 up against an orgasmic, ridiculously sexy Lamborghini Murcielago. Keep in mind that the EVO VIII FQ400 in the UK makes a nut throttling 400hp.

So watch to see what happens.

Another David Cross skit….

I’m not 100% sure where this is from, I just found it on a friend’s myspace page. But from the research I’ve done it looks like it’s from a David Cross tv show called Mr. Show with Bob and David.

Oh, and by the way, its fockin funny!

Let me remind you young man, that the stupid ‘All Anal Action’ paid for that precious mountain bike of yours.

Kinda cheesey, but coming from a person who has had several dogs it’s believable. Watching this clip makes me a little verklempt.

you’re the only man whose ever been inside of mee